im so lonely.

Life has been hell since you've been gone, I miss you a lot. I still don't think my brain can comprehend it. I keep reaching for you with every earth shattering heartbreak. I keep forgetting that you're not around anymore. I remember looking down in your coffin wishing with everything that it would have been me instead. I know our mom would have been happier. The weight of this world and this family is too much. What a burden had you bared for so many years and remained silent? I think the hardest part about your death was our mom's greif. Her sorrow has broken her and nobody lives here anymore, I'm the only one left. Everything is so, so heavy. I still can't drive, and I'm 22 now. Everytime I get in the driver's seat i see flashes of your bruised body, and how cold and clay-like your skin felt. I remember when my heart stopped for two minutes. I remember how peaceful it was alone in the house. I felt no pain and no fear. Oh how I envy you.